Friday, November 09, 2001

*I'm AlterLain and Renzy Beoulve is Sean. I'm copying & pasting this log because I just don't feel like getting into detail about this right now. As you can tell, I had no idea which Chris he was talking about until he said he was "the one who moved away". I was speachless and wished I could help Sean out because I know for a fact he was depressed. I felt weak because I couldn't and Elyse could. Enough now - you can read if you're interested.

Renzy Beoulve: Did you know my friend Chris died?
AlterLain: What? :\
Renzy Beoulve: Matt told me all his friends were making a joke about it at school. They were talking about people they know who have died./
AlterLain: If this is a joke, it's not funny. But if it isn't, I'll listen.
AlterLain: Internet friend, Chris?
AlterLain: What happened to him?
Renzy Beoulve: Kim said she wasnt suprised he died and that he probably deserved it and everything.
AlterLain: What happened though?
Renzy Beoulve: I think he got in an accident or something...
Renzy Beoulve: someone tried to say he got shot, but Royce said it was a car accident.
AlterLain: Wow...
AlterLain: Are you ok? :-(
Renzy Beoulve: I dunno, that was a shock...just out of nowhere... o_O;;
AlterLain: When did it happen?
Renzy Beoulve: Sometime in the summer or a little before is what matt said. They were all making fun of him and stuff...
AlterLain: Eh? I'm not understanding. Matthew made fun of someone dying? Not cool...
Renzy Beoulve: no, his friends
AlterLain: And how did his friends know Chris? I assume hes a internet friend?
Renzy Beoulve: Not him
Renzy Beoulve: in my friend chris from school...who moved.
Renzy Beoulve: He died.
AlterLain: Walker?
Renzy Beoulve: Yes. :\
AlterLain: .....
AlterLain: Why did Kim say it wasn't a suprise and that he deserved it though?
AlterLain: Who is Kim?
AlterLain: I feel weird... I didn't even know him.
Renzy Beoulve: A girl who knew him from school
Renzy Beoulve: I feel weird...I did...and he was like my best friend for awhile...
AlterLain: Thats not funny... god.
Renzy Beoulve: :-(
AlterLain: How did they find out? I thought he moved far away...
Renzy Beoulve: His friend Royce still kept in touch with him.
AlterLain: Wow...
AlterLain: Are you talking to Matthew or someone else about this?
Renzy Beoulve: Talking to elyse
AlterLain: I already feel depressed much worse now. I can't imagine how you're feeling.
Renzy Beoulve: I feel blank... I can't believe it happened... I want to cry but I cant for some reason...
AlterLain: I know that feeling. It makes you feel guilty...
Renzy Beoulve: Yeah.. I should be able to cry.... I really cared about him..
AlterLain: I didn't cry for alot of people. I think I loved them. People just react differently...
AlterLain: You feel just as much pain as a person who cries. You just can't get it off your chest because you're blocking the idea of it happening. It's like its just a rumor...
Renzy Beoulve: Royce wouldnt lie..sadly....but I still wish it were just a lie.. >_<
AlterLain: Who is Royce?
AlterLain: I'm scared now... if Chris can die, I can die anytime...
Renzy Beoulve: His other really good friend.... He used to die his hair a whole lot and stuff....we were his best friends.

Thursday, October 25, 2001

I'm thinking about staying up today so I can finally straighten my sleeping schedule out. But then I think, if I change my schedule, I'll be awake to my mother and food all the time. Nevermind. That would be hell. Other than that, I updated my diary's template, but it's hardly noticable. I still like the new look though. I tried making it look okay on different resolutions because they're actually people with 600x800. o.O
I'm thinking about avoiding everyone today because I just don't feel like pressuring everyone into my problems or bringing them down to my level. Ashley seems alot acceptable to my complaining than most people which is really nice, but I can't help but to think, "Gee, I wonder if she really does hate hearing this?" She already has alot of problems with herself and Sean. Does she really need Sean's sister adding on to her bad days? Ack, I don't know. I wonder where Katie is. I'm worried right now. I'm tired and drowsy, but I can't fall asleep and that PISSES me off. Sean's "too busy" with his video games so I can't talk to him and later on, he'll be too busy with Elyse. Well, I know he cares about me so I'm not really angry, just disapointed. I'm going to fall asleep in a few hours, if not right now, so I can avoid everyone during the day and possibly ditch food. I'm not really in the mood for eating. I might just result in vomiting. Oh well. I'm getting fatter anyway so I might as well fast for a week. Mind you, if you notice alot of the same words in my diary - this is my memory log for it, not another diary. I might post some pictures and what I'm eating on here also, but not now. Remember, kids, before I fall asleep, that I love every single one of you and one day, I shall have sex with you. Goodnight :P *molests people* >:D

Tuesday, October 23, 2001

Ah, this is the place where I will create masterpeices of spam. Okay, it's just a boring babble - sort of like a memory log for my diary.
I love you.